Slapstick (clear_sarcasm) wrote,
Slapstick
clear_sarcasm

245: And one more for the road...

Yes, a chat log! I got out of bed feeling like fuck, yesterday but some asshat made my fucking day!

It's kind of lengthy...but it had to be shared! Nothing has been edited - this is exactly how it went down and I now need a strong dose of intellectual conversation in order to recover!


[11:17] James Eller: Why is ur Profile Pic of just ur lags
[11:58] Beck: I have no idea
[11:59] James Eller: lol
[11:59] James Eller: Sexy
[12:00] Beck: Chunky cottage cheese legs are always sexy
[12:12] James Eller: lol look skinning
[12:14] Beck: skinning wabbits
[12:15] James Eller: ?
[12:15] Beck: I don't know - I'm dumb.
[12:15] James Eller: lol
[12:16] James Eller: k
[12:18] Beck: hehehe!
[12:20] James Eller: k so that is sexy
[12:20] Beck: ?
[12:20] James Eller: Leg shots lol
[12:20] Beck: Oh..I figured it weren't cause of the way you asked why I use it!
[12:22] James Eller: So what u got on now
[12:26] Beck: ...what I got on? what?
[12:27] James Eller: lol
[12:27] Beck: like clothes? what?
[12:28] James Eller: lol
[12:28] James Eller: ya
[12:28] James Eller: u wearing a sexy outfit
[12:28] Beck: Well, I'm wearing my dad's boxerbriefs from last night and a shirt with some kinda gnarly yellow stain all down the middle..I can't get it out!...and I can't take it off cause I had my arm amputated and I need help with dressing...especially Ranch!
[12:31] James Eller: Dad's boxers ?
[12:31] Beck: is that weird?
[12:32] James Eller: how old are u
[12:31] Beck: 16
[12:32] James Eller: little old
[12:32] Beck: oler then you?
[12:32] James Eller: to be wearing dads briefs
[12:33] James Eller: no I'm 33
[12:33] Beck: ohh i like that number!
[12:34] James Eller: ?
[12:35] Beck: 33..its a good number, no?
[12:36] Beck: kittens are good too! I have a nice kitten..my parents won't let me shave it though
[12:37] James Eller: Shave kitten
[12:37] Beck: you like furry kittens?
[12:38] James Eller: Like 4 leg kittens
[12:38] Beck: no, 3
[12:38] Beck: 33!! there it is again!!
[12:39] James Eller: ? you lost me
[12:39] Beck: awww, sorry =[
[12:39] Beck: what you like?
[12:41] James Eller: What do u mean ?
[12:41] Beck: like..what you like? i dunno! anything
[12:41] James Eller: Dogs
[12:42] Beck: I hear guys do bad things with dogs sometimes! true?
[12:43] James Eller: no
[12:43] James Eller: ur the one that want to shave a cat
[12:43] Beck: not a cat, silly goose..my cat!
[12:44] James Eller: cat?
[12:44] Beck: you know...caaaat!
[12:45] James Eller: no tell me
[12:45] Beck: lol im kinda shy
[12:46] James Eller: ?
[12:46] Beck: but u started by asking about clothes but i think you dont like me now
[12:46] James Eller: what u mean
[12:47] James Eller: if u were 18
[12:47] Beck: i dont kiss n tell
[12:48] James Eller: ya
[12:48] Beck: ya?
[12:49] James Eller: why can't u shave ur cat
[12:49] Beck: my dad like's it harry
[12:50] James Eller: ur dad ?
[12:50] Beck: yeah
[12:50] Beck: isn';t the number on that local beer 33??!?
[12:51] James Eller: ya
[12:51] Beck: we should play the loterry with that number and go to Chick-Fillet with the winning!
[12:52] James Eller: but thats not the local beer no more
[12:52] Beck: oh thats good i ont like beer but i like boys!
[12:52] James Eller: souldn't u be in school
[12:52] Beck: shouldnt u?
[12:53] James Eller: what do u know about boys
[12:53] James Eller: ?
[12:53] Beck: i know lots! my dad taught me about some things nad then i just did my own exploring
[12:54] James Eller: ur dad?
[12:53] Beck: lol y u keep asking that - "ur dad?"
[12:54] James Eller: wht did he teach u
[12:54] Beck: its not like i got my own place im only 16 so i live w my dad lol
[12:55] James Eller: what did he teach u
[12:55] Beck: i dunno..stuff...like how to peel a banana without hands...i need to know since i lost an arm, u know?
[12:56] James Eller: lol u ceazy
[12:56] James Eller: crazy
[12:56] Beck: y?
[12:57] James Eller: U didn't loose ur arm
[12:57] Beck: u call me a liar??
[12:57] James Eller: when
[12:57] Beck: u wont get in a girl's skirt by calling her liar!
[12:57] James Eller: when
[12:57] Beck: when wut?
[12:57] Beck: have you ever huffed compressed air?
[12:58] James Eller: u lose ur arm
[12:57] Beck: in Vietnam
[12:58] James Eller: ass
[12:58] Beck: lol
[12:58] Beck: no i been told its good to joke to not be sad about it
[12:58] Beck: i was in a car wreck and my arm got pinned under a tractor and they had to cut it
[12:59] James Eller: When
[12:59] Beck: early this month
[13:00] James Eller: lol k
[13:00] Beck: it aint funny
[13:00] Beck: ur mean
[13:00] James Eller: U play to much
[13:01] James Eller: later
[13:00] Beck: wut?
[13:01] Beck: what do you like to play?
[13:01] James Eller: U to young to play my games
[13:02] Beck: its just a number n i dont tattle..i like older guys..guys my age dont know what to do, u know?
[13:02] James Eller: N
[13:03] James Eller: know I don't tell me
[13:03] Beck: they just dont know what girls like n they only can do it maybe a few seconds and im just like "lol ok that was gay"
[13:04] James Eller: do what
[13:04] Beck: it
[13:04] Beck: lol
[13:04] Beck: sex!
[13:04] James Eller: Ur to young for that
[13:05] Beck: lol i started when i was 12
[13:06] James Eller: What do u know about it
[13:06] Beck: i know its good and i know how to be good ta it cause i had older guys tell and show me what guys like like having their beanbags yanked while they watch South Park, lol
[13:07] Beck: but srsly i know im kinda young but i know how to play good
[13:08] James Eller: Where are ur parents
[13:08] Beck: at work..wanna come over? hehe
[13:09] James Eller: no I'm not getting in trouble
[13:09] Beck: wut trouble?
[13:09] James Eller: ur 16
[13:10] Beck: its just a number n i don't tell..we can go out or something maybe u cant get in trouble for taking me out, what would we do?
[13:10] Beck: what would you do if I wasnt 16?
[13:11] James Eller: don't know
[13:11] Beck: wut do u know?
[13:11] James Eller: u
[13:11] Beck: u know me?
[13:12] James Eller: just the stuff u say
[13:12] Beck: i wanna know u so tell me cuz i told u stuff about me n it aint fair for u to know me n i dunno u
[13:14] James Eller: All u need to know is I'm to old for u
[13:14] Beck: we cant b friends?
[13:15] Beck: n im almost 17!
[13:15] James Eller: ya we can
[13:15] Beck: ok..then..as friends tell me bout u, heeh
[13:16] James Eller: still to young u don't even shave ur ct
[13:16] James Eller: cat
[13:15] Beck: i wanna but dad wont let me, i told you
[13:16] James Eller: u have sex with ur dad
[13:16] Beck: but im moving out once im 17 gonna live with my friend and her mom and pap cuz my dads too controlling
[13:17] James Eller: u have sex with ur dad
[13:18] Beck: y u keep typing that?
[13:18] James Eller: answer it
[13:18] Beck: answer what?
[13:19] James Eller: do u have sex with ur dad
[13:19] Beck: i dunno if i wanna answer that until i know u better cuz that could get people in trouble u know? n i dunno u
[13:20] James Eller: k
[13:20] Beck: so tell me about u
[13:21] James Eller: what
[13:20] Beck: TELL ME ABOUT U
[13:23] Beck: what u like? cars? cats? dogs? u know what i got on what do you?
[13:24] Beck: where you go? u dont wanna be friends now? i wasnt meaning bad by caps, i was playing!
[13:25] James Eller: no i'm here I had to change my daughter
[13:25] Beck: oh i thought only my dad did that
[13:25] James Eller: no she is only 3
[13:25] Beck: i bet my dad changed me then too cuz kinda like now i couldnt do it myself u know?
[13:26] James Eller: I don't look at my older daughter
[13:26] James Eller: or change her
[13:26] Beck: not ever? thats kinda rude..she's gonna develop a complex
[13:27] James Eller: no not ever
[13:27] Beck: so you just look away any time shes around and never look at her? you keep her in the basement or something?
[13:28] James Eller: no I didn't mean like that
[13:28] Beck: o ok
[13:29] James Eller: so why aren't u in school
[13:30] Beck: i told u i was in a wreck this month ..they dont even know if i will go school this year maybe be hhome school..y u ask so much about me but not tell about u?
[13:30] James Eller: ?
[13:30] Beck: ??
[13:31] James Eller: Where was the wreck
[13:31] Beck: Mane..we was on vacation
[13:32] Beck: why aint you in school?
[13:34] James Eller: I'm 33
[13:33] Beck: r u copypasting this to people or talking shit on me? why you go from writing back right away to so long of no type?
[13:34] Beck: THERE IT IS AGAIN!!!!
[13:35] James Eller: no I got a phone call on my cell
[13:35] Beck: oh i get calls on my shoes
[13:35] James Eller: ?
[13:35] Beck: what, you dont?
[13:36] James Eller: Weird
[13:36] James Eller: doe
[13:36] Beck: my doctor says im a little bit skitsofrenic, you know what thatt is? i don't believe him
[13:36] James Eller: maybe
[13:36] Beck: you maybe know what it is?
[13:36] Beck: what else you maybe know?
[13:37] James Eller: Ur a little crazy
[13:37] Beck: y u say that?
[13:37] James Eller: u just r
[13:37] Beck: im not psycho crazy..im fun crazy, heheheh
[13:38] James Eller: u and ur harry cat
[13:38] Beck: u making fun of me now?
[13:38] Beck: thats low
[13:38] Beck: you like toys?
[13:39] James Eller: what kind
[13:39] Beck: lol, u know..the good kinds
[13:39] James Eller: what kind
[13:39] James Eller: what good ones
[13:39] Beck: whats good to you?
[13:40] James Eller: ?
[13:40] Beck: what u like?
[13:40] Beck: r u messing with me?
[13:40] James Eller: with what
[13:40] Beck: im kinda paranoid n u dont answer my questions n that makes me paranoid like ur just like the guy that tried to stick a broken rake handle in my cat
[13:41] James Eller: ?
[13:41] Beck: ??
[13:41] Beck: u like Spongebob?
[13:42] James Eller: no
[13:41] Beck: what u like?
[13:42] James Eller: not rake handles
[13:42] Beck: not Spongebob..not rake handles..but..dogs and..33...u like me?
[13:43] James Eller: U related to Danelle
[13:43] Beck: what?
[13:43] Beck: y u not answer any my questions?? thats rude
[13:43] James Eller: what
[13:44] James Eller: u got CAM pHONE
[13:43] Beck: i asked u like a trillion questions in the last hour and you aint answer any
[13:44] James Eller: U got a Cam Phone
[13:44] Beck: wtf? y i gotta answer your questions but you aint answer mine
[13:45] James Eller: Do u
[13:45] Beck: i told u im skitso and that means im paranoid n right now ur freaking me out
[13:45] James Eller: why
[13:45] Beck: cuz i said u aint answering none my questions! why not? u got stuff to hide?
[13:47] James Eller: no
[13:46] Beck: then why you not answering none of my qs?
[13:47] James Eller: I did
[13:47] James Eller: U got A Cam Phone
[13:47] Beck: i ask what u like..i ask if you like me..i ask other stuff and you just keep sputtering out the same questions..i lost an arm..not my eyes!
[13:48] James Eller: lol
[13:49] James Eller: Like lifting ya U alright
[13:49] Beck: u like lifting me? but im chunky like my peanut butter, hehehe
[13:49] James Eller: No weight lifting
[13:49] Beck: u wear thumb rings?
[13:50] James Eller: no
[13:50] Beck: what music u like?
[13:50] Beck: do u like me?
[13:51] James Eller: All types of music and ur alright
[13:51] Beck: just alright? u superfacial?
[13:52] James Eller: U have Pic phone
[13:52] Beck: why
[13:53] James Eller: do u
[13:53] Beck: brb im prairie dogging
[13:53] James Eller: I got to go
[13:53] Beck: hit me up again?
[13:54] Beck: u got lots of friends on facebook?
[13:54] James Eller: Will see
[13:54] Beck: 4 sure
[13:55] James Eller: to many games
[13:55] Beck: i told u i like to play why's that so bad?
[13:55] Beck: fish in a barrel, lol
[13:57] Beck: you talk to a 16 year old who has a law firm, funeral home and colleges listed in her profile..clearly has both arms in photographs..and watched The Rat Pack movie around the age of 6...and NOW there are "to" many games?
[13:58] James Eller: lol
[13:59] James Eller: ur to much
[13:58] Beck: did your parents have your swing facing a wall when you were a child?
[13:59] James Eller: later
[13:59] Beck: Faaaame..he's gonna live foreverrrr / light up my Facebook wall like a flame!!
[14:00] James Eller: ?
[14:00] James Eller: Play with ur toys
[14:00] Beck: get snipped and take your ass out of the gene pool..please..there are enough retards out there!
[14:01] James Eller: k
[14:02] Beck: if my miscarriage disorder didn't already secure the fact like I will never squirt out a child..this conversation did. Thank you for making my ovaries into a pretzel!
[14:03] James Eller: There is no reason for all that
[14:03] Beck: but there was plenty of reason for you to be all "ohh if only you were 18" and type about skinning lags (wtf does that MEAN!?) and stressing "ur 16" then asking if I have "CAM"?! I'm the one that's out-of-line???
[14:05] James Eller: u Ok
[14:05] Beck: Oh, I know I'M okay but I'm pretty sure you should have, at the very least, an IQ test and head MRI done.
[14:06] James Eller: lol k
[14:07] James Eller: I'm not going to br mean
[14:08] Beck: What's to be mean about? That I played "to many games"? That I misspelled schizophrenic (among others)? I can see how someone might misspell that..but..skinny legs? for real?
[14:10] James Eller: I enjoyed talking to u but ur taking this the wrong way
[14:10] Beck: How should it be taken?
[14:10] Beck: So..you were just playing dumb as much as I? Is that what you mean?
[14:10] James Eller: not like that
[14:10] James Eller: take care
[14:10] Beck: Right on, daddy-o!
"James Eller" signed off at Mon Aug 30 14:15:54 2010.
"James Eller" signed on at Mon Aug 30 14:28:48 2010.
"James Eller" signed off at Mon Aug 30 14:33:58 2010.
"James Eller" signed on at Mon Aug 30 14:34:02 2010.
[14:34] James Eller: What are u doing
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